|
|
Wednesday, June 9th, 2004
|
|
|
Your a Magical Angel!Out of all the angels, you are
the one most afflicted with magic. You can do
many enchantments as well as sorcery. You cant
do black magic, because even though your not so
"pure" your still an angel. A very
kind and curious one at that. Magical Angels
are always very easy-going with humans, but
intrestingly enough, like to expirement with
them with their spells.
What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla
|
|
Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
|
| Subject: | Sadness |
| Time: | 12:14 am. |
| Mood: |  depressed. | | Music: | Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand. |
|
5/25/04
What the fuck is wrong with me....why the hell am I being so stupid...if you don't know what I'm talking about, don't ask.
Well it's about 12:10 am and Harrison should be here in about 20 minutes. Man I so fucking glad. I need a break from this shit.
I'm talking to one of my good friends that I've known for almost as long as I've been here, Brooklyn. We are now realising our great memories and are sad that this year we didn't get to hang out (damn schedules!!). Least we had a locker by each other, I got to see her there a few times at least. It's sad...
Do I do what I do because I want to just party hard and chill...
or is it because I'm depressed and leaving...
|
|
Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
|
|
|
Hola como estas?
Yea i know it's been a while, i was up in missouri. Thursday night was so fucking awesome. Harrison, you rule. Friday night was the IB Banquet. Awesome also, but it makes me sad knowing I'm leaving all these wonderful people :(
Don't really wanna talk about the trip, it's behind me.
Yup exempted from all classes so far, cept for Spanish, i still haven't figured out how i can't get exempt from that class when it's my favourite.
Takin the digital camera to school tommorow to take pics.
Kinda tired from trip so sorry this is short but i need sleep.
|
|
Wednesday, May 12th, 2004
|
|
|
Yea so i'm here. Just got done cooking my dish for my wedding tomorrow (for family dynamics, i'm the best man and i get to walk out with mailys, how cool is that??).
I called my dad back to ask if we can just go to the beach instead of Epcot and this was good because he called about money. Also this speeds up the time i get my iPod (yay!!). He said something about getting it this weekend while in Oregon. I told him to get it online though, so maybe he'll do that.
Oh yea so i took a nap and i missed 2 calls. My dad called back. Appearently his ex in Nebraska died. She was very cool and nice. I almost started crying...and i don't cry very often. Kinda left me depressed but what else is new...
Oh yea i thought i'd write in an entry that i wrote a long time ago in my actual journal (one with paper).
12/26/02(day after christmas)
My mom hates me. No wonder she's been acting wierd. No wonder I didn't get anything[for christmas]. Appearently I'm on her "bad list". now she's mad because I made a soap{my mom used to make soap stuff]. Why do I even try even try. I could drop out of school and they wouldn't care. They even left me all alone. I swear. After marci (not my mom, who is the one with the problems with me) basically yelled at me. I wanted to cry. They told me that they were going to bed. I then turned off the T.V. and went to my room to cry. Whats sad is that they got Lily[mom's friend's daughter who is 4] a present. I'm not against her getting one but the fact my mom would get a child she barely knows a present rather than her own son is pretty sad. Maybe I really am horrible like they say I am. Maybe I should go and kill myself. Slit my wrists and stain the walls with my blood so that they can cry and wash it off. Or I could always stab myself. or slit my throat. I'm sure that wouldn't hurt very much because i'd die instantly. They claim I never work around the house. Who was the person who washed the windows? Why should I do any woek. They never helped when I cleaned around the house. I'm sure they think i'm so lazy when i went to sleep earlier. If they only knew how depressed I am. Oh well. I don't care what they think. I'll put my anger and sadness to good causes
So yea that was a while ago. It's sad, 'cause I remeber being depressed even before that. Wow I guess I've been depressed for the whole time I've lived here (5 years). Ah well not much else.
This is about how i feel right now...it's scary how true these words are to me
Evening Falls - Enya
When the evening falls and the daylight is fading,
from within me calls - could it be I am sleeping?
For a moment I stray, then it holds me completely.
close to home - I cannot say.
close to home feeling so far away.
As I walk the room there before me a shadow
from another world, where no other can follow.
carry me to my own, to where I can cross over...
close to home - I cannot say.
close to home feeling so far away.
Forever searching; never right,
I am lost in oceans of night.
Forever hoping I can find memories.
those memories I left behind.
Even though I leave will I go on believing
that this time is real - am I lost in this feeling?
like a child passing through, never knowing the reason.
I am home - I know the way.
I am home - feeling oh, so far away
|
|
|
5/12/04
Hello journal. I'm here in english yet again. I just turned in my Final copy of my paper so I hope I get a good grade *crosses fingers* so yup I'm bored here in English surfing the web. This time I'm actually allowed to though. Okedoke well I can't talk long because class is about to end. Will write when I get home tonight.
|
| Subject: | Woo... |
| Time: | 9:18 pm. |
| Mood: | depressed. | | Music: | Weak and Powerless - A Perfect Circle. |
|
5/11/04
Man life sucks...
So yea, today was pretty good. I took my biology exam (the one worth 25% of my grade). I'm worried...um because I finished about the time when everyone was half way done...and I thought it was really easy. So knowing me, I probably failed it and the class :)
Um spanish was crazy because it was our day to do our Restaurante. I was dressed up also, very uncomfortable. It was rather stressful though, we didn't have nearly enough food as we should have. A few people said I looked really cute all dressed up...I think they were being sarcastic :/
Um yea rest I wont go into deep explanation...basically, same old shit everyday.
Took a nap when I got home. My mom is being melodramtic about being sick, when I had the same thing. Her roomate went out to get her soup (earlier i guess she went out to get her coughdrops). I asked my mom why I didn't get this treatment when I was sick with the same thing. She replied with "well I can't take the sudofene(something like that) medicine. Mines going to last a lot longer". I reacted by saying "whatever" and I walked away. I feel rather alone in this house sometimes...which causes me to be slightly depressed. Just so much crap going on. Mom and marci keep yelling at me to start cleaning my room. Their threats are becoming more and more. I guess I'll start tomorrow...
Oh yea, yesterday, I went to go get what marci made for dinner. She said that she didn't make enough for everybody (on purpose). Needless to say I was a little upset...
Depressing...I feel like no one really cares...the only person it feels like actually cares is Desi. I know my other friends care, but I only have school relations with them. Living out here in Geneva has kept me isolated from many people and friends I could if lets say I lived near other people. Maybe living in Ireland will help. I'll most likely end up either reading or hanging out over at the local mall (20 minutes away by foot). I guess we'll find out wont we...
It reminds me of the Maroon 5 song~~
Is there anyone out there, 'cause it's getting harder and harder breath
From Chicago, cell block tango:
Then I fired two warning shots....into his head!
I made him his drink as usual...you know some guys just can't handle their arsenic!
He ran into my knife....he ran into my knife 10 times!
You could say we broke up because of artisic differences...he saw himself as alive...and I saw him as dead!
Tilling my own grave to keep me level
Jam another dragon down the hole
Digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren
One that pushes me along and leaves me so
Pale angel go away
Come again some other day
The devil has my ear today
I'll never hear a word you say
He promised I would find a little solace
And some piece of mind
Whatever just as long as I don't feel so
Desperate and Ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless over you
Desperate and Ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless
over you
|
|
|
haha this is great...totally stupid quiz...but who cares...it was great anyway...
|
|
|
5/10/04
Hey my journal. I'm in english class right now working *cough* on the laptop. Today has been pretty good so far (despite the fact that I know the date of my great exodus...). Biology was boring as usual. We had "independent study" where I sat and read the science world magazine that she had out. Unfortunatly I have a 9 weeks exam in that class tomorrow that is worth 25% of my grade. Crazy, right? i have a 97% in the class so I should be fine if I get a B on the test. What sucks is that I can pass everything up until that point and absolutely bomb the test and fail the class...very reasurring let me tell you. Math was about as boring, we're review how to "manipulate" exponets and radicals. Yea it's easy but I always forget how to do it right. The radicals are idiotically easy and I didn't even do them (she said we could skip ones we didn't think we need to work on, that happened to be both worksheets...). Spanish was a blast, mainly for the fact we're doing our spanish projects. We had the sports bar present today so I'm pretty full. We had subs and chicken wings along with Root Beer in a glass. Bad part was that Hussan asked me today if I was gay, and of course I'm not going to lie about it. He's now mortified, but I don't really care...I never liked Hussan anyway...
Ah and now wonderful english. I am happy. I may pass this class with an A afterall. She returned our papers and she said "now I went through and made suggestions, so if you modify the paper to my likings that I wrote, you should get an A". When she passed my paper back to me I was extactic. I got full credit on it (sure the paper has quite a few errors, but 100% is good meaning I'll also get a 100% on the final paper). Which leads to me here, on the laptop, supposed to be working on this paper. But here's the catch, I worked on my paper at home, so my saved file is at home, meaning I can't work on it. I think I'll work on it at home though, because I really have no homework other then studying for Biology and Math. I better not have history homework, allthough he did say something about a project that'll last all week.
I'll be missing 2 days next week, monday and tuesday. I'll be up in Missouri with my grandma. I hate the drive up there, it's an 19 hour drive. But I think it'll be interesting, I mean, Barry will be with us. I'm going to consider this bonding time between us, knowing I've never met him before. Hopefully the rest of today goes well. I'm drowsy from the food I just ate though so I hope I'm not too tired in history.
P.S. it is currently 3:33 pm in Ireland...crazy...because it's only 10:33 am here.
|
|
|
Ah yes, i was at my dad's all weekend. I enjoyed it for the mere fact i got to watch a few movies i wanted to see. I saw both Kill Bill's. Very good. Rather gory, but very good. I also watched Chicago, it's one of my favorite movies now. yea but other then that it was the same old shit i put up when i visit my dad. I talked to my mom and it seems that i'll be leaving the 4th of July, about 2 months ways. Oh how this date draws ever so closer.
Needless to say, i'm becoming slightly depressed...
As long as I keep my mask on though, all is well and I can continue to Mascarade as a happy person.
Here's a poem i wrote a while ago
As i walk down this hallway
I stare at the eternal darkness before me
Behind me, all around
This lures me
I am lost
I cannot free myself
There is no use in trying
My attempts are worthless
I will fall further and further
Until i am nothing
And all that i lived for
Means nothing
And I seize to exist
Good bye...
|
|
|
These are the places where I can feel torn from my body
My flesh, it peels during this ride we can cut upwhat we like
I’m about to break
Waiting alone, I cannot resist
Feeling this hate, I have never missed
Please, someone, give me a reason to rip off my face
Blood is a pouring
Yea school sucks, large sum of homework, my head hurts, and i'm tired, Mix well and you get a nice helping of what we like to call IB
|
|
|
5/5/04
After days of being quite focused on an emotional issue, you'll be ready to let it go and have some fun. Treat yourself to dinner out with a friend, and allow yourself to laugh -- a lot.
How did it know that i may be going out....creepy horoscopes....
|
| Subject: | Hola |
| Time: | 10:23 am. |
| Mood: |  mischievous. | | Music: | My stomache growling *grumble*. |
|
5/4/04
Hello yet my oh so dear journal of mine. I am yet again, in my english class working with that laptops. I think they're nifty. They're so fun and portable. I wish i had one. These are also cool because they're hooked up to the school system so it has internet. Not just any internet, high speed, which is even better. So um yea, i'm supposed to be writing my paper, but guess what, i'm not!!!! woo hooo....livin on the edge o.O
Yea i talked to Mrs. Meahl and i'm like "PLEASE MRS.MEAHL DON'T MAKE ME TURN IN IT ALL TODAY!!! IT WONT BE READY!!! I MISSED A DAY BECAUSE I WAS SICK AND NOW I"M SO BEHIND!!!"
Well that wasn't necesary because she was going to tell the class that if they're not done with it today that they can turn it into her thursday or friday (she wont be here tommorow). So booo yah. I think i'm going to stay after school though, or get somebody's source cards because i sourced a few of them wrong ;_;) But i dunno, i could today maybe...but i don't want to on such short notice, and i can't tommorow because they close the library for teacher meetings. I don't want to thursday because i want to turn it in by then. Ah well it'll all work out...least it better.
So yup here i am...bored as hell...well not really it's just there isn't too much to do, but i wouldn't say i'm "bored". I'm going to get lunch today. I've come to the realisation that if i'm going to get better i'm going to have to start eating. My next step will be...eating healthy. I told my mom that we need healthy food in the house so we wouldn't be such unhealthy people. I think she took my hint because she started going on about how she was going to get some food today and blah blah blah. Watch her not, she has a lovely way of doing that.
Um i dunno what else to write. I think i'm going to surf the net a little, yea i know i'm so bad...lol i feel bad too
|
|
|
I don't really feel like doing a formal update. I'll merely mention that i apologized to the chapter tonight, which a load off my chest.
Quotes from a funny movie!!
Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before and my shoe is filling up with blood.
Yeah, for me though, it's like I've given birth to my own baby girl, you know? Only she's like a big giant girl who smokes and says shit a lot.
This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayel that is my legacy
Mono was like the best diet ever.
1. So, Mi-chelle! What are you up to?
2. Actually I invented a special kind of glue.
1. Oh really? Well then I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving us a detailed account of how exactly you concocted this miracle glue, would you?
2. No. Um, well, ordinarily when you make glue first you need to thermoset your resin and then after it cools you have to mix in a Poxide which is really just a fancy schmancy name for any simple oxyginated adhesive, right? And then I thought maybe, just maybe, you could raise the viscosity by adding a complex glucose derivative during the emulsification process and it turns out I was right.
I hope your babies look like monkeys!
ok i'm done
|
|
|
Yo people i'm at school right now. Still feeling a little sick, and my cough is still there also. The day has gone pretty good so far and now i'm in english working on my paper. I emailed it to myself so i can work on it more tonight though because our second rough draft is due tommorow. since i never turned in my first one (i wasn't here, damn cold) I'm supposed to be working on it now. I only have about 2 and a half pages ;_; As you can see, my mind wonders...i'll just turn in what i have and see what happens lol. She's just grading it on how we did it, not if we did it all. So yup, as long as it's not too bad...(watch it be horrible and i get an F) i may still survive this paper. I'm kinda hungry, this class is right before lunch. Hopefull miriam will give me her food or something.
Ah well, i better get back to work.
Adios
|
| Time: | 8:53 pm. |
| Mood: |  sick. | | Music: | Anthem of our Dying Day. |
|
The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly
Exactly what I need
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before
|
|
|
5/2/04
DAMNIT I AM STILL SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
urgh...it makes me want to cry. I was awoken last night around 2:30am and it was some guy off the internet that i barely now (thats what i get for leaving my number on my away message saying "call me"). Needless to say, this is when i realized i was sicker then i was the last few days. I no longer have the throat problem (thank god) but now it's gone into my chest and i'm actually sick sick. So this leads me to the next point...MEDICINE WILL WORK NOW!! Since it's not my throat, medicine can now be used to help. But heres the catch, to USE medicine, you must HAVE this medicine. Thanks to my mom, i have nothing to take. This makes me mad. But anyway, i'm about to die from exhaustion (it's only noon, i've been up for 2 hours).
Waaah i feel like shit!
Oh yea look at this
You've got quite a week ahead of you, so you might want to take it easy tonight. Yes, that means go home early, which isn't what you probably had in mind -- but by Tuesday, you'll be glad you rested up
Damnit and i was gonna go out with Harrison tonight maybe...and i have tons of work to make up, man this sucks big balls
|
| Subject: | *blinks*huh? |
| Time: | 8:52 am. |
| Mood: | Indescribable...ly horny! jk. | | Music: | Milkshake - Kelis (it came on and it was funny). |
|
5/1/04
Woo hoo first day of may...shit...less days till i move.
Um so yea, last night was pretty crazy. So we got there about 40 mins late and when they open the door the first person i see in the background in sammy. So i was looking at him, then i notice that nicki is screaming at me in front as she latched on and refused to let go of my waist. So yea, in the beginning i was kinda having an anxiety attack, i was freaking. I kept think "omg there are so many people". I felt like i was about to shake, but then Jenny and I went on a walk. We all played spin the bottle and i don't think once i got sammy, so at the end we kissed without the bottle. Chris and Tyler(some other gay guy chris invited him, i didn't know him) went off, and who knows what happened with them*cough*. So everyone at his party just kinda hung out. He popped out of no where and we all migrated to the bed. Sammy and i were on the bottom bunk along with Jenny and some other nice person that i appearently met at chris' homecoming. Chris and tyler were on the floor...doing um..."naughty things"? lol. Now that i think about it, i'm glad he's found someone else, though it kinda sucked cause we were at a party honoring him, and we had to watch him make out. Me and sammy were like "nu uh, lets make out!" so yea that was pretty fun. Yea, once he left tho, i just felt i dunno, if anything depressed. Chris and Tyler got on the bottom bunk, which is a view everyone can see from ever where in the room, thanks to a nice mirror. It was like Cinnemax. Yea we left them be. Then like everyone left, even tho the party still had an hour, and i told me mom 1 so here me and jenny are, trying to watch X-men with sounds a two peoples lips smacking lol. At the time tho i was depressed though, about the whole moving, leaving all my friends, issues with guys, et cetera. I was so glad when my mom showed up, i just wanted to go home and sleep, and i'm sure chris was glad she came also, if u know what i mean :)
So yea, today is saturday, my mom is about to drop off jenny. I'm gonna be around the house all day, maybe i'll go see terra. Herrison and i are probably gonna go out tonight and do something. He mentioned food, so i dunno.
Ah well i'm tired off writing, lata
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
abandoned_boi's journal
tired.
bouncy.
nostalgic.
busy.
shocked.
content.